Equity Statement

Over the past couple of years, I have come to see that I have privilege, a platform, and, with that, a spiritual obligation to not just be a loving, good, equitable, and well-intentioned person, but also a person who knows that just recognizing any unintentional white centering or bias within oneself or seeing systemic racism in the world isn’t enough. I realized that I must be actively anti-racist in all my communications, programs and work. To that end, it is an important part of my vision to mirror that in all that I do and hold that antiracist intention in all spaces created by my posts, services, and in my daily life.

If you see how I can do better in holding this antiracist intention through thought, word, and deed in my posts and services, I welcome your suggestions and will see them as gifts of awareness.

With love,

Mary Claire O’Neal

maryclaireoneal.com

A New World Emerging Based on Love and Kindness

Everywhere there is an outpouring of love, kindness, unity and sharing.  We’re finding that in the vital and very important social distancing, we can unite our hearts together and help one another. We can reach out to others over the internet, social media, phones–even offering to leave food/groceries on doorsteps of those who need it. We are using our creativity to sing to others from our balconies, offer free live concerts from our homes, or give free tutorials online in painting or even easily crafting a face mask.  Even in the necessary isolation and social distancing (and even because of it), the interconnectedness of all things is so apparent.

Those who are serving all of us in healthcare in every country are giving so much for the common good–at high costs to themselves.  They need our love, our patience and our support. Those who are working on supplying food in our groceries and are delivering our packages are sacrificing for the common good and need our love, patience and kindness. Those who are having to self-isolate need our love and support– a phone call to check in or some needed supplies on the doorstep.

Let’s all try to find ways we can be of service. Be a part of this emerging new world based on love and kindness. Feeding hope and positivity over the internet and social media is a service of love.  Sharing practical tips that you’ve discovered at home to better use resources is a service of love. Calling someone just to see how they are and chat is a service of love.  Making people laugh with humor spreads opportunities for much needed balance during stressful times.

We always have been in this together, and this time puts a bright light on how we can do better, be better, love better.

There is time to reflect on what’s really important and how to find the “we” in things, instead of just the “me or mine” of things.

Together we can get through this and a newer, more loving, equitable world can emerge. Together we can be greater.

More than ever before Gandhi’s words are so true and important:

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Be well. Be love.

Love to all,

Mary Claire

© Copyright 2020,  Mary Claire O’Neal

Mary Claire O’Neal is the author of the award-winning book, Becoming What You Want to See in the World.

Allowing more love to shine though the darkness

There are areas of our lives that many of us keep in the dark recesses of our minds—those fears, those places of ancient wrongs. When we are young, we are shaped by what we’ve experienced. As children we see ourselves at the center of the Universe, and things revolve around us. When something goes awry, as children we may see ourselves as powerful beings that caused those events. So, inadvertently, we emerge from childhood with these distorted ideas that turn, over time, into core issues. We all have had them.

Overcoming is what evolution is about. Stuck in the rut of limits doesn’t allow for growth, like a plant in a pot that is root-bound. Our core issues bonsai the expression of what we truly are—beings of love, creativity, energy, compassion and light. While overcoming is part of the human condition, when we do overcome, it creates a torsion that propels us into the next level of awareness—a more joyful one. These levels continue as long as we are consciously seeing the limits and working, in the face of our childhood fears, to prove them wrong.

There is a big problem when the adults we’ve become are still held prisoner by those core issues—like big babies walking around in adult bodies that still want to have things in a way that is familiar, where we are not afraid. Within most adults is the fear or fears of not being enough in some way—not smart enough, beautiful enough, good enough, skinny enough, or not . . . whatever. There are many variations on a theme, but they all boil down to “not enough” in some way. And in the world one can find many ways to convince oneself that those fears are founded in reality. If you are seeing yourself as not enough, you are lacking and looking to fill that void—and the matrix of money and power makes a profit from it over and over. I’ve worked most of my adult life to let go of those hyenas of “not enough” nibbling at my consciousness, my sense of self.

I’ve come to a place where I am at the core of the core of those issues, after tilting and vanquishing those little fear hyenas that attached themselves to that core. This core is the seed of them all, and I see it. I know it, and I’m tired, oh so tired, of it. I’ve looked at where it began. And while seeing it is a big part of the journey of letting go, I’m seeing that the magic of really saying goodbye and liberating myself is in forgiveness. Deep, authentic forgiveness—of others, myself and the Source of all things. When I allow myself to know that all the players were all doing the very best they could at the time with what they had or understood—really know that deeply in my heart, I begin to truly forgive—saying it in my heart and mind and really meaning it. Knowing it. There floods in the place where the darkness was, a deep and exuberant love. Love that is so satisfying and joyful that there are no words for it. Love that bring tears of joy. Love that makes you feel clearer, purer, freer.

The “players” involved in the beginnings of these issues need never know about one’s forgiveness, and please don’t communicate it. The forgiveness is in your heart and mind. Your increased ability to love and the light that fills you is all that will be seen. Forgiving oneself is a part of the puzzle, too. Letting myself be jerked around by this core issue for decades is something that I’ve worked on to forgive myself for—the lost opportunities for joy or to express love and creativity.

I used to not get this one—why forgive the Source of all things? I used to think, “The Source or Creator is perfect. What is to be forgiven?” I finally understand why I needed to forgive Source. My perspective in human form cannot see the endless ways that things work out for the highest good. The detours that things must take sometime (due to my own freewill and the freewill of others) to reach that destination are necessary. I’ve seen that without overcoming, I could not know what true freedom and peace feels like. I wouldn’t be as compassionate. And without overcoming I wouldn’t know how it was done, and for a teacher that skill is absolutely necessary. So I’m grateful for what helped bring me to where I am.

Forgiveness is not just thinking of a person, situation or thing and saying, “I forgive.” It’s deeper and more profound than that. I found most days, I set aside a quiet time and space of about 30 minutes to ask the Universe to gently show me for my highest good, what I need to forgive and to help me heal it with forgiveness so that the light of love can stream into the situation, persons, me, etc. It’s magic, and I am not alone in this process. Right now is one of the most powerful, liberating times of my life.

Please take the time to find yourself–your true self that has been covered over or held back from your center. The world won’t be able to get to you like it used to, and you’re more available to be of service to others. As Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

©Copyright, 2017 Mary Claire O’Neal

Mary Claire O’Neal is the author of the award-winning book, Becoming What You Want to See in the World, a communication and leadership coach, consultant, Heartmath® Certified Trainer. For more information: maryclaireoneal.com

Mindfulness Training Brings Results

Mindfulness training to reduce stress has been around for a long time, and is now, at work, considered to be a highly effective, results-based practice that is becoming mainstream. Aetna, Intel and Keurig Green Mountain have all started to incorporate mindfulness as a leadership practice and have seen benefits to both the company and the individual employees in improvements in employee health, productivity and job satisfaction.

According to the World Health Organization, stress costs American businesses an estimated $300 billion annually, and the costs to the U.S. healthcare system might be even higher, particularly with heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes.

Training such as the Resilience Advantage™, Heartmath’s mindfulness principles and breathing techniques (can be done anywhere, even on-the-go) bring great results in the decrease of stress, health issues, and negative emotional states like frustration, and anger. An increase in health, as well as improved sleep, positivity, situational awareness, problem-solving, creativity and performance has been found in study after study. Here is data from a study six weeks after employees took the HeartMath® training, The Resilience Advantage™:

52% reduction in exhaustion and tiredness
60% reduction in anger and annoyance
60% reduction in depression
43% reduction in heartburn and indigestion
44% reduction in headaches and body aches
33% reduction in inadequate sleep

The principals and self-regulation techniques are based on over 20 years of scientific research in the field of neurocardiology. Among a few of the organizations that have invested in this resilience training with excellent results: US Navy; Fortune 500 companies worldwide; Stanford Graduate School of Business; hospital systems; and the US Army.

For more information about Heartmath’s the Resilience Advantage training:

Mary Claire O’Neal, Heartmath® Certified Trainer and Coach

US (+1) 859-272-2515

Website: http://www.lifeworkresilience.com

Article © Copyright 2015, Mary Claire O’Neal

Photo: Getty Images

Eight Secrets for Being a Powerful Listener

 

Hmmm. Shop or listen? The National Day of Listening is the Friday after Thanksgiving Day, a day many join the shopping madness on “Black Friday.” It seems a very appropriate day to, as an alternative to focusing on buying more stuff, focus on being with others and listening, really listening, to them. The National Day of Listening was launched by the national oral history project StoryCorps in 2008, now heard on public radio stations nationwide. From the StoryCorps website: “We do this to remind one another of our shared humanity, to strengthen and build the connections between people, to teach the value of listening, and to weave into the fabric of our culture the understanding that everyone’s story matters.”

Every day should be a day for listening.

Being a communication consultant for over 15 years, I know that listening (I have to work at this, too) is probably one of the most challenging parts of good communication. Good communication is an important element in building resilience and balance in life and creating positive and meaningful relationships of all kinds.

Not everyone is a good listener. In fact, really good listeners are, unfortunately, rare. But those who are good listeners are appreciated, respected and loved by those who know them.

The brain works by association, and it is very easy for your thoughts to make connections to either your own experiences that relate to what is being said or something that has an associative connection in some way with what is being said. But the problem with that is it takes our thoughts out of the moment with that person and brings the focus in our minds to ourselves instead of the other person. So, good listening is not a passive activity but rather a very active one–one in which intent and focus (to keep bringing ourselves back into the moment with that person) are required. A few of the things needed for good listening are: awareness, focus, compassion, generosity, patience, and mindfulness.

Here are some important tips and reminders for being a powerful listener:

1. Stay in the moment with that person and what they are saying. If your mind wanders for a moment, bring your focus back to that person, breathe slower through the area of your heart with the intent to really hear the other person.
2. Listen compassionately. Suspend judgement, and listen with your heart. Look for what you may have in common instead where you may not agree. The more judgmental one is, the shorter the conversation may end up being, and will leave an impression of separation instead of unity with the one who was sharing with you.
3. Try to be aware of talking less and listening more. Avoid turning the conversation around to make it about you. If you find yourself using “I” and “me” a lot, try using them much less and make the conversation about the person you are listening to.
4. It can help to enrich a conversation by using the answer to a question you may ask the other person as a basis for the next question. When what you are saying is connected to what you are hearing, it will assure the one who is talking with you that you’re really listening and encourage more sharing.
5. Please try to avoid relating their experiences to yours, “I’ve experienced that, too!” While this can be an attempt to relate to the other person and show understanding (and have good intentions behind it), it can turn the conversation around to be focused on you. If you find you have done that, turn the conversation back to the other person as the focus.
6. Use non-verbal communication that shows the other you are hearing them. Doing things like , nodding “yes,” eye contact, or leaning toward them across a table let the person know that you are listening and with them.​​​
7. Try not to offer solutions or help, at least not right away. Wait to be asked for your opinion. If you aren’t asked, don’t offer it or ask them first if they want your perspective before giving it. Many times people just want to be heard. They don’t need someone to rescue them or solve their problem.
8. Be encouraging and patient. Please don’t interrupt.

Give the gift of your undivided attention to others, they will appreciate your gift from the heart!

© Copyright 2015, Mary Claire O’Neal

Mary Claire O’Neal is a Heartmath® Certified Trainer and Coach, communication and leadership consultant, and Author of the Award-winning book, Becoming What You Want to See in the World.

For more information: http://lifeworkresilence.com

Mastery of Oneself

“The human race is challenged more than ever before to demonstrate our mastery – not over nature – but of ourselves.” –Rachel Carson, environmentalist

What is mastery over ourselves? What would that look like?

Ultimately our intent, thoughts, words, actions and responses are the only things that we can control and master. These all involve choice and our own freewill. It’s the awareness that every moment involves a choice—whether it be on the automatic, unconscious level or with awareness and mastery.

Photo credit: Getty Images

The awareness of those choices in the moments that make up our lives involves a discipline of mind. Sound like a lot of work? It is—at first. But that discipline of mind becomes easier and easier, and it is SO worth it! How is it worth it? A simple example is when you make a conscious choice to change a thought. Maybe it’s a thought that really doesn’t serve any purpose other than making you feel down or defeated. By changing that one thought that has been floating around in your mind all day to one that is more uplifting, you can change the course of your day. You can also change the world around you by changing that one thought. Have you ever been around someone who stays negative about almost everything or doesn’t want to see a hopeful solution? It has an effect on those who are around them. The same is true for those who are hopeful, empowered and are taking action that is consistent with hope and empowerment. The hopeful draw people to them in a good way like a magnet.

Another example of that mastery is when you look at and consider the effects a choice you make will have on others before you make it. Does insisting that it be your way make you blind to the needs of others? I can think of an instance or two in my life where I, out of fear, had inadvertently done this. If you think about it, perhaps you can remember an example of this in your own life–an instance where you were coming from a place of fear–fear of change or fear that another way would not bring the desired results. How many times have we seen the effects of choices made by others when consideration was not made first about the impact those choices would have?  Perhaps you directly felt those effects, perhaps not, but the effects were apparent.

Seeking mastery over others is not leadership; it is an abuse of power.

Seeking mastery of oneself is living a conscious life and is genuine leadership.

Masters are everywhere, in all walks of life. A master can be the person who sees her/his life as a service. It’s a janitor I know who always has a cheerful greeting and is truly joyful in doing what some people would consider a menial task. It’s the person in the parking garage booth, who recently when I asked “how are you?” answered with, “I’m blessed! I have a job where all day long I can greet people and wish them a good evening. What could be better than that?” I’m humbled by that kind of mastery.

Mastery is not perfection. Masters make mistakes, and they do encounter difficulties. Mastery can be working in a process of knowing there’s always more to know. Mastery can be about getting back up again after a fall or mistake, claiming it, apologizing for it (if it affected others), learning from it, dusting oneself off, and moving forward again.

© Copyright 2014 Mary Claire O’Neal, All rights reserved.

Mary Claire O’Neal is the author of the award-winning book, Becoming What You Want to See in the World, and is a communication consultant and coach.

www.maryclaireoneal.com

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Creating Boxes in Life by Saying “No”

I recently wrote an article, ”Saying “Yes” into Overwhelm,” because I and many other people I’ve met have a patterned tendency to take things on. It is an understandable tendency for those who want to be of help, service or make a positive difference. The point of the article was not to not say “yes,” but to consider first if one can fit this one more thing into an already busy life or if it will tip the balance into overwhelm.

Having said all that, let’s explore the flip side of the coin. Even though I’m one of those people who has a patterned tendency to say “yes,” there are areas of my life where I might have a tendency to have a knee-jerk “no” at the ready.

Can you think of areas of life where that might be the case for you?  Maybe it’s something that you should not agree to, because it would be a healthy choice to say, “no.”  But, there may also be areas or instances, as have been in my life, where to say “no” would limit  positive life experience or opportunities.  Usually these areas have to do with a fear of some kind.

While I enjoy speaking in front of large audiences (I had to get over that fear many years ago, but that’s another story), I’m somewhat of an introvert.  During my personal time (preferring my “cave” to large social situations), that knee-jerk “no” might be in regard to a party or large social gathering.  Saying “no” may limit my opportunity just to be out in the world connecting with others in a positive way. Being in this world is about relationships of all kinds, and communication is the key to all those many types of relationships. I was limiting myself. I was keeping myself in a bit of a box during my non-working time.

Perhaps you have a fear of over-committing your time, and your knee-jerk “no” might be there for just about any request.  Again, it may limit positive opportunities and experiences and back you into a box.

The bottom line in the knee-jerk “no” response is usually fear-based, and fears limit us in our lives. When considering a response, before automatically falling into the patterned tendency to say “no,” here are a few things you can ask yourself or do that may help:

1. Is automatically tending to say “no” a pattern for me in situations like this? Is there a fear that might be preventing me from saying, “yes?”
2. If I say “yes,” what will it involve (time, energy, expertise)?  Asking this question of the person or group that is making the request is important to make the decision in awareness.
3. What are the benefits of saying, “yes?”
4. Look at the various areas of life to see if you can fit it in.
5. Sleep on it (unless it’s an urgent situation) before giving your answer.
6. If still uncertain, talk with a trusted partner or friend who is supportive in your personal growth.

The important thing is to know yourself (and be aware of areas where there might be a fear) and make decisions in conscious awareness.  Of course, this is a process, and with each “yes,” step-by-step, you can overcome a fear and open up doorways for positive opportunities, growth, confidence and, even, miracles.

Mary Claire O’Neal is a communication consultant, coach and author of the award-winning book, Becoming What You Want to See in the World. For more information: www.maryclaireoneal.com

© Copyright, Mary Claire O’Neal

Photo credit: Getty Images