Allowing more love to shine though the darkness

There are areas of our lives that many of us keep in the dark recesses of our minds—those fears, those places of ancient wrongs. When we are young, we are shaped by what we’ve experienced. As children we see ourselves at the center of the Universe, and things revolve around us. When something goes awry, as children we may see ourselves as powerful beings that caused those events. So, inadvertently, we emerge from childhood with these distorted ideas that turn, over time, into core issues. We all have had them.

Overcoming is what evolution is about. Stuck in the rut of limits doesn’t allow for growth, like a plant in a pot that is root-bound. Our core issues bonsai the expression of what we truly are—beings of love, creativity, energy, compassion and light. While overcoming is part of the human condition, when we do overcome, it creates a torsion that propels us into the next level of awareness—a more joyful one. These levels continue as long as we are consciously seeing the limits and working, in the face of our childhood fears, to prove them wrong.

There is a big problem when the adults we’ve become are still held prisoner by those core issues—like big babies walking around in adult bodies that still want to have things in a way that is familiar, where we are not afraid. Within most adults is the fear or fears of not being enough in some way—not smart enough, beautiful enough, good enough, skinny enough, or not . . . whatever. There are many variations on a theme, but they all boil down to “not enough” in some way. And in the world one can find many ways to convince oneself that those fears are founded in reality. If you are seeing yourself as not enough, you are lacking and looking to fill that void—and the matrix of money and power makes a profit from it over and over. I’ve worked most of my adult life to let go of those hyenas of “not enough” nibbling at my consciousness, my sense of self.

I’ve come to a place where I am at the core of the core of those issues, after tilting and vanquishing those little fear hyenas that attached themselves to that core. This core is the seed of them all, and I see it. I know it, and I’m tired, oh so tired, of it. I’ve looked at where it began. And while seeing it is a big part of the journey of letting go, I’m seeing that the magic of really saying goodbye and liberating myself is in forgiveness. Deep, authentic forgiveness—of others, myself and the Source of all things. When I allow myself to know that all the players were all doing the very best they could at the time with what they had or understood—really know that deeply in my heart, I begin to truly forgive—saying it in my heart and mind and really meaning it. Knowing it. There floods in the place where the darkness was, a deep and exuberant love. Love that is so satisfying and joyful that there are no words for it. Love that bring tears of joy. Love that makes you feel clearer, purer, freer.

The “players” involved in the beginnings of these issues need never know about one’s forgiveness, and please don’t communicate it. The forgiveness is in your heart and mind. Your increased ability to love and the light that fills you is all that will be seen. Forgiving oneself is a part of the puzzle, too. Letting myself be jerked around by this core issue for decades is something that I’ve worked on to forgive myself for—the lost opportunities for joy or to express love and creativity.

I used to not get this one—why forgive the Source of all things? I used to think, “The Source or Creator is perfect. What is to be forgiven?” I finally understand why I needed to forgive Source. My perspective in human form cannot see the endless ways that things work out for the highest good. The detours that things must take sometime (due to my own freewill and the freewill of others) to reach that destination are necessary. I’ve seen that without overcoming, I could not know what true freedom and peace feels like. I wouldn’t be as compassionate. And without overcoming I wouldn’t know how it was done, and for a teacher that skill is absolutely necessary. So I’m grateful for what helped bring me to where I am.

Forgiveness is not just thinking of a person, situation or thing and saying, “I forgive.” It’s deeper and more profound than that. I found most days, I set aside a quiet time and space of about 30 minutes to ask the Universe to gently show me for my highest good, what I need to forgive and to help me heal it with forgiveness so that the light of love can stream into the situation, persons, me, etc. It’s magic, and I am not alone in this process. Right now is one of the most powerful, liberating times of my life.

Please take the time to find yourself–your true self that has been covered over or held back from your center. The world won’t be able to get to you like it used to, and you’re more available to be of service to others. As Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

©Copyright, 2017 Mary Claire O’Neal

Mary Claire O’Neal is the author of the award-winning book, Becoming What You Want to See in the World, a communication and leadership coach, consultant, Heartmath® Certified Trainer. For more information: maryclaireoneal.com

Cognitive Neuroscience: (Part 2) Breathe

Undoubtedly we all face multiple demands each day, such as a heavy workload, experiencing stressful events in the world, caregiving for a family member, or concerns about making ends meet. When we are in a state of stress or overwhelm, our bodies release chemicals like cortisol. The hypothalamus responds to stress or perceived stressful situations by setting off nerve and hormonal signals sending messages to the adrenal glands that release a cascade of hormones, including adrenaline and cortisol. Being in a state of stress regularly can result in cortisol toxicity, and it places a lot of wear and tear on the body. This increases the risk of numerous health problems like, digestive disorders, headaches, heart disease, weight gain, sleep problems, memory and concentration impairment and depression.

Slowing one’s breathing down and breathing more deeply begins a process of changing your body’s physiology.  Breathing more deeply and slowly and adding a renewing emotion like gratitude or love will bring about very positive change within your heart, your autonomic nervous system and your brain. You can reach a state that neurocardiologists call “coherence.”  Coherence is when your heart, autonomic nervous system and your brain are in sync and a state of balance. When in coherence, chemicals like DHEA are released that help you feel good, enhance health,  and give you energy.

Tip #2 in this series: HeartMath® Institute’s Quick Coherence® Technique

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Try this technique anytime you are experiencing stress, before attending meetings, and beginning and ending your day. The Quick Coherence® technique is practical and can easily be used during a busy day. At first you may wish to do the technique with your eyes closed. As you get familiar with using it, try the Quick Coherence® technique daily with your eyes open; you’ll likely use the technique more often.

© Blog Copyright 2016, Mary Claire O’Neal

Quick Coherence®is a registered trademark of Doc Childre

Mary Claire O’Neal is a HeartMath® Certified Trainer and Coach, communication and leadership consultant, and author of the award-winning book, Becoming What You Want to See in the World.

For more information:  maryclaireoneal.com

 

 

The First Moments of the Day

hands forming a heart shape

Every morning is a chance to begin anew. Each day brings new opportunities and experiences. What we do in the first moments of each day can set the tone for what we perceive, experience and accomplish throughout that day.

The suggestions that follow may sound simplistic (or even Pollyannish to some), but the longer I live, the more I realize that the most profound things are pretty simple. It’s the consistent living of these simple things that can be a challenge, but SO worth it! Evidence-based scientific research in the field of neurocardiology shows these suggestions below help build resilience, reduce stress, improve decision-making and self-regulation, and lead to more perceptual balance.*

Here are some ways to start the day that can be helpful:

Before even getting out of bed (or right after getting out of bed), set the tone for your day. I would recommend first doing the HeartMath Quick Coherence® Technique with authentic appreciation and gratitude for the new day. It can effectively get you started in a positive, balanced perspective and facilitates brain function before getting up and becoming active. The Quick Coherence® technique is very simple and only takes a few minutes. Here are the steps:

Step 1: Focus your attention in the area of your heart. Imagine your breath is flowing in and out of your heart or chest area, breathing a little slower and deeper than usual.
Suggestion: Inhale five seconds, exhale five seconds (or whatever rhythm is comfortable).

Step 2: Make a sincere attempt to experience a regenerative feeling such as appreciation or gratitude for someone or something in your life.
Suggestion: Try to re-experience the feeling you have for someone you love, a pet, a special place, an accomplishment, etc. or focus on a feeling of calm and ease.

Five to ten minutes doing this technique first thing in the morning (and throughout the day) can help replace draining, stressful emotions like frustration, irritation, anxiety, worry, and anger with more renewing states of mind like appreciation and inner ease, creating more balanced heart rhythms and facilitating mental clarity and perceptual balance.

Consciously anchor your intent for the day. An example could be:

“My intent is to function in balance and focus on the positive throughout my day. I intend to be aware or mindful in the moment, be productive, express appreciation and be of service.”

Suggestion: To empower your intent, it helps to murmur it aloud so you can hear it.

Go outside, if you can, and for a few moments breathe in deeply a few times and greet the day, the plants and sunshine.

Try these suggestions or come up with your own morning ritual that works for you to set the tone for a positive, fulfilling day.

 

Mary Claire O’Neal is the author of the award-winning book, Becoming What You Want to See in the World. She is a certified coach, communication and leadership consultant and is a Certified HeartMath® Trainer and Coach.

© Copyright, Mary Claire O’Neal

Quick Coherence is a registered trademark of Doc Childre.

*Article in Harvard Business Review: Pull the Plug on Stress: https://hbr.org/2003/07/pull-the-plug-on-stress